My RE is just fabulous. He managed to get me booked in for the Saturday night. In the end it was him who did the operation, they kept me in overnight to keep an eye on me, giving me pain medication & antibiotics & keeping an eye on how much I was bleeding, which was only really significant overnight and since then I've only needed pantyliners. Everyone there was fantastic and very supportive, especially when they realised I was there on my own. I had a good sob when they did the final ultrasound before the op to confirm that our baby was indeed dead and then again after the op itself, and then it's just been occasional, random outburst of tears since then. Though also after the op, I felt a weight that had appeared when we found out the bad news, had simply lifted off my shoulders. I suppose that now I'm 'just' sad and no longer in constant turmoil knowing that our dead baby was still there inside me and I still was technically pregnant. In the morning they gave me the anti-D shot (I'm Oneg and hubby's Opos) just in case baby was Opos as the results from the tests they were doing on the baby weren't back in time, and I HAD to go otherwise I was going to miss my flight home. But OUCH, the injection hurt! It's great to be home now though. Ever since that awful scan, everything's just seemed so hectic and a complete whirlwind, so it's really nice to be home in peace and quiet where I can finally take the time I need to reflect, cry, come to terms with what's happened and to heal.
So for the next couple of days I'm on painkillers, a stomach settler to counteract the painkillers effect on the stomach, antibiotics, and bless my RE, a pill to stop my milk coming in. He said that occasionally, the body mistakes the D&C for having given birth and your milk comes in. He said that I'm hurting enough as it is over this and there's no need to add insult to injury and add to the upset by suddenly have milk appearing. It's just little details like that, that makes my RE so fab. Yesterday I just felt a bit heavy down below, but today I feel like my abdomen is bruised from the inside. Then again, it probably is to some degree and I've had some cramps too but I would guess that's because my uterus is busy shrinking back. The bit I really don't like though is that I'm still bloated, so I still look pregnant. That doesn't really bother me too much since I know that I'm not and that it is just bloat, but I don't really want to go out in public until it goes down as I'm just at that size where I sort of look pregnant and I couldn't bare it if someone asked if I was. And then there's my husband. I didn't think it was possible, but this ordeal has made me love him soooo much more than I ever thought possible. He has been so incredibly supportive, while we were together and while we've been apart. I've never felt so loved and cared for, I just don't know how to describe it. I am so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful man right there by my side through all of this. |
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