7w+5 - oh the morning sickness

Ohhhhh, this is the worst I've felt so far, by far! I've spent most of this evening willing myself not to throw up. I'm reminded of when my husband and I both came down with a terrible stomach bug and at one point when we were both not throwing up and were actually lying in bed together we both burst out laughing, in a very weak, pathetic way mind you, because we realised how funny we most look & sound as we were both lying there moaning & groaning as we felt so awful. Well that's just what I'm doing right now. Ugh!

But I've also said to baby to just crack on with whatever s/he needs to do. I'll survive. haha

7w+3 - no need for progesterone support

So I like that Dr even less now.  I have to admit to having been a bit freaked out after yesterday when he said that I might need to go on progesterone support.  Obviously my mind immediately went to worrying that I wouldn't be able to maintain this pregnancy and what if it became a problem before my RE got back to me, etc etc.  This may have also had something to do with my bad mood yesterday.  I also woke up the morning with a horrible feeling that something was wrong, something had changed and it was wrong.  I'm still feeling a bit weird about that now.  I'm hoping it was all just how my feelings from yesterday manifested themselves and not something more sinister.  I guess that sort of thing really freaks me out now because right around the time that our baby girl's heart must have stopped beating, I had the most vivid dream that I was looking at her and I saw her heart just stop.  At the time I didn't bother to say anything because I thought it was just a dream and didn't really think more about it until we found out that her heart had stopped.  Anyway, I'm hoping that awful feeling this morning was nothing.  I can't do anything except cross my fingers.

But onto the good news.  My RE (bare in mind, he's the best in the country) just emailed me back and simply said that the cyst is the corpus luteum and it's totally normal.  WTF?!  What on earth was the other Dr doing freaking me out like that yesterday?!  I am definitely not going back to see him again.  But for now, I can relax, all is fine and my body is doing just what it's meant to do, there's nothing wrong. (And I've just had a big, hormonal, relieved cry.)

So tomorrow I should get my report and then I can just look forward to my next scan, and keep my fingers crossed that that horrible feeling was only to do with not enjoying yesterday.

7w+2 - scan no.2

Well I really didn't like this Dr that I went to see today.  When I went in, he shook my hand, but while he was talking over me head to his secretary and calling her weird.  Then there was no privacy for taking my trousers and undies off, nor was I given anything to cover up with.  Now I know they've seen it all a million times before but this is the first time I've been anywhere where they don't allow you any modesty.  Then his printer was broken so I won't get my report until Monday and he also wouldn't let me take my photos with me.  Oh and to top it off, although there were only 2 other people in front of me when I arrived, I was kept waiting almost 2 hours until I was seen.  I was so wound up by it all and all hormonal that I didn't really get to enjoy my scan and I've wanted to have a good cry because of it all day.  I'm so glad that the student Dr I saw last time gave me another recommendation for a Dr to see.

So anyway, all of that to one side, all is well with baby.  S/he (I've got this niggle in the back of my head that it's a boy) is measuring 7w+3 and there was a heartbeat of 145bpm.  So all good.  But the Dr. did have a look at my ovarian cyst and suggested that I ask my RE about going onto progesterone support.  I think it's got something to do with the cyst having the potential to block my natural progesterone production, which is obviously essential to maintaining the pregnancy.  So I've emailed my RE and we'll see what he says.  But for now, all is good.

So here's the latest pic of our baby bear:

6w+1 - morning sickness

It's more like queasiness but for the first time it's been on & off all day. I'm not enjoying it but if we end up with a beautiful baby at the end of this, then I'm loving every minute of it!

And today I was briefly treated to this unusual rainbow that appeared through the morning mist. I'm taking it as a good omen for our rainbow baby.

6 weeks - Introducing our baby bear

This morning just before I got in the shower, I sent a text to this doctor that my RE had recommended asking if he'd be able to do my scan today, tomorrow or Saturday. When I got out of the shower I checked my phone to see if there had been a reply. He'd called, so I called him back. He said he was just about to leave town to head back to the city but if I could get to the local clinic NOW he'd be able to see me. Of course I said yes & then proceeded to throw on my clothes, grab my bag & run out the door. By the time I got there my hands were shaking!

It turns out that he's a fairly recently qualified doctor doing his internship with my RE! He happens to live in the same town as me & my RE knew that he'd be in town visiting family. Poor guy kinda had to do that scan or his mentor wouldn't have been very impressed with this work ethic if my RE's is anything to go by!

Anyway, he was lovely & made me feel totally at ease. And there I saw it, our little baby bear measuring in at exactly 6 weeks and I could see its little heart beating away at 109 bpm. That's better than last time were baby was measuring 6w+3 and had a heart rate of 100 bpm, so I'm happy. This doctor said it's fine because it's wee heart has only just started beating and it should start to speed up soon. He said when it's around 60 or 70 bpm at this stage that they're not happy.

We had a giggle too because due to the date of my last period, technically I should be 5w+4. But because I was charting, I knew I ovulated early & I told him I thought I should be exactly 6 weeks. He gave a sort of knowing smile like, yeah okay. And when he went to measure he said, so this should come up as 5w+4 and it came out at exactly 6 weeks. Of course I had to laugh and say, ha ha! see!

So here s/he is... introducing our tiny little baby bear.

5w+6 - symptoms

Today orange juice is not my friend.  No, I'm not having much morning sickness by any means, but a couple of sips of orange juice this evening and my stomach is not happy.  I feel really yuck now.

Speaking of symptoms, the day before yesterday (5w+4) I had a busy day and had such an achey uterus in the evening.  I also had terrible bloat; I had what I thought was bad bloat with my last pregnancy but I looked bigger than I did at 10 weeks!  It helped so much when I went to bed and lay on my side.  I guess it took some of the pressure off or something.  The next morning I only had to walk around a little and I could start to feel the achey uterus coming back so I took it really easy.  That of course had me worrying about ectopic but it's been fine today (I did take it really easy today) and I'm assuming with an ectopic it starts getting worse and worse.  That's what I'm hoping anyway.

Oh, and my RE in the city gave me the number of another ob/gyn in town so I'm going to give him a call tomorrow to see if I can get an earlier scan.  If I can that'll be great, though I'll still go to my one on the 29th as it'll give me a chance to try out both Drs, and then I can pick the one I prefer.

5w+2 - first scan booked

My lovely godfather has got me an appointment for the 29th, which by my calculations should have me at 7w+2.  My RE has also given me the number for someone so I'll try that person for my 9 week scan, and then I'll make a decision who to stay with based on who I feel more comfortable with.

I'm so nervous!  So scared that there's not going to be anything there or that there will be but there will be no heartbeat.  I'd just like that appointment to be over with already so I can know.  Oh to have a crystal ball and be able to see into the future to know if this is going to be a happy ending so I can relax.  So instead, I'm just going to try and ignore it for now.